19th April 2022

Love letter #19

Thank you, really. For everything.
I know I'm going to miss you endlessly over time, but I just have to remember that it's the right person, wrong time. I love you, I really do. And nothing will ever change that. I will look forward to summer, to see you walking towards me again (if the time is right then). But for now, this is the end. I wish you well.

♡ Bunny x Teddy ♡
28/01/2021 - 15/04/2022
(that's it, for now ;))

Forever and always yours, Bunny.

18th February 2022

Love letter #18

I came home from your warmth a couple of days ago, and as I was getting off my train at my station I wrote to you, and I just want to save it here, because it's one of the most honest and true things I've ever written. Pure feelings.

Hey, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you. You make me so goddamn happy and you try to understand me the best you can and you never make me feel bad for being the way I am.
I just don't know what to do because I think I've found the fucking love of my life at 18, it's fucking crazy. I know you say that if we ever break up you will think about all the things with me that could have been, and I know I don't say it a lot but it's like that for me too. I hate feeling so naive and like the girl who's like that, but with you it's different. You're just so willing to work to make it better for us and be patient with me even when I'm having like a whole ass mental breakdown. I look up to you, to be honest. How you can have that patience and I swear your heart is an endless pit I can fall and fall into.
I've never met someone as kind as you. And we complete each other, even though we're so different. I just can't fathom how much I love you, like, I'm sitting here and I just feel like sobbing out of joy because I don't know what I did to deserve this but I am so fucking happy I do. Because you make me feel worthy of it. And that's the best feeling in the world, it really is.

Yours, Bunny.

2nd February 2022

Love letter #17

Wow, time goes way too fast. Before I even knew it we celebrated 1 year, last friday. One of the best days I've ever experienced in my entire life. The whole day felt like I was walking through the past year, looking into every part, every stage our relationship has been. The Universe explaining to me why I feel the way I feel, the love I contain for you. It was like the end of your favorite TV show, some references from the past and getting to meet all the characters again one more time before it all ends. (But this of course is not the end for us lol <3)
When we were walking by the lake and we heard the ice do these strange noices we've only heard in those videos about Norrland. The deep stomach of the beast. Hunting for beaver. You being okay with me being so fucking sentimental all the time. How we later sat in the sofa, you make me feel like it's okay to just stay where I am. To let myself enjoy the little things, like sitting besides you playing those stupid games on your phone and making you sit on my feet to warm them up. When we went to the city, we took a shot in the dark when we decided the place to eat, and it umm it turned out not ideal, but alright. I'm not scared when I'm with you. That's the thing. I'm not scared, not scared of you, not scared of taking space, not scared of being too much, not scared of putting myself into new situations I'm not sure of. And how we later went to the bar and hung out with my friends. How we took the chanses. You never judge me. How we fucking booked a hotel room at like 1:30 am on a whim because I didn't want to go home. I love the adventures we go on, and I love that I get to share all that with you.
You say a lot that you've made so many memories this past year, how it's like half of the memories you have. And I feel the same, mostly about the little things. Like the time we made picknick and biked to the ocean and sat there, listening to music and eating sandwitches, or when you made me ride that stupid VOI in the middle of the city one summer night when we were waiting for the bus, or when we got an obsession with going bowling together and I won every time, or when we disappear into our own world when we lay in bed just holding each other.

Thank you, for always being the best you can for me. Thank you for always doing everything you can to make me the happiest in the world. I love you so fucking much. Happy 1 year!!

Yours, Bunny.

8th November 2021

Love letter #16

It's been a while now without me writing here. Nothing has changed, I still love you as much as I think my little heart can. Life is just a lot, and you know that. We still talk on the phone everyday, multiple hours. You come and visit me and I visit you and I wish I could forever stay in the bubble of complete safety that I'm in when you're with me. It's a pause from reality, a pause from all the stress, a pause from seasonal depression. Nothing else exists. No one else matters. Everything feels too much, and I wish I could stay with you all winter and never let go. Your warm embrace means everything for me. Turning around in my sleep to still feel that you're there means everything. You believing in me when I don't means everything. I already miss your presence and it's only been two days. How will I ever be able to make it through? But I know you are here by my side through it all, maybe not always physically, but I know I can always call. You make me want to get through, you make me smile. I love you endlessly much.

Yours, Bunny.

26th July 2021

Love letter #15

I can't believe that we're getting close to 6 months. I have the best little gift planned out for you!! I think you'll love it a lot. These past months has been the best months of my life, as I've grown so much and realized that I deserve to feel good. I deserve happiness, you've shown me that. Even when I am difficult, when I get frustrated, when I cry. Everyday you show me that I am worth fighting for, and I so desperately want you to feel that too. Feel that with my touch every drop of love I have in my temporary body leak out to soothe you; surround you. Something I love about our relationship (out of a LOT of things, trust me) is that even though we are like two halves, perfectly pieced together, we're still individuals. We still have our own opinions on things, we can have discussions about topics and get to the bottom of it, or just agree to disagree. We have so different tastes in media it's crazy, but you have shown me things I never would have thought to check out myself and I've ended up loving it. And I think it's the same way for you. We have different tastes in music but we never judge each other for liking the songs we do. Yeah, I listen to weird things, "beep-boop-I-took-drugs-in-a-parking-lot" as you so gracefully call the genre, but yet you can dance to my favorite songs with me in the kitchen while cooking lunch.

Everywhere we go the smallest things becomes adventures, we count the colors of the cars passing by and make it into a competition, we walk around admiring the architecture and nitpick the smallest things. We intensly talk about conspiracy theories how if the moon landing was fake or not and we laugh at the seriousness. Spike our drinks at mcdonnald's. Somehow I get you to listen to my stupid ideas, and I am so happy you do. I am so in love with you. And I feel so lucky to be me, me having you. I couldn't even dream of anything better.

Yours, Bunny.

17th July 2021

Love letter #14

I haven't written here in a while, but that's because I've met you almost everyday since last time I wrote. You I went to your place, then you came to mine and now we are living our small move-in-together dream. In the future someday we'll have this cozy apartment filled with plants and probably rgb lights, nerd ♡. I love you so much. And I know I can be difficult to deal with when I get anxious or when I have my moodswings or when I'm indecisive, but you're always there. You never snap at me. You never raise your voice. Right now you're laying beside me, sleeping calmly, and there is no place I'd rather be.

(p.s. you really do make the best hot chocolate I've ever tasted and I'd choose that over coffee anyday. And you know how much I love my coffee...)

Yours, Bunny.

3rd June 2021

Love letter #13

I'm going to bed now, and I smile at the thought that after tonight, the next time I'll fall asleep I'll be able to kiss you and say goodnight I love you. And then let my body get tangled with yours. I've missed you so much.

Yours, Bunny.

30th May 2021

Love letter #12

I know it wasn't even that long since last time I hugged you. Only two weeks tomorrow, but there's honestly nothing I'd rather do right now than to cuddle up with you in bed and just listen to CAS. I want to run my fingers through your hair and see you smile. I want you to say that I've ruined your curls, with a laugh. I still get overwhelmed from time to time. How it really is so that as long as I have you I know everything will be alright. I know I'll always be safe somewhere. I know I have a future to look forward to. Lately we've been talking a lot about me pontentially moving all the way to you next year, and I have had so many fantasies about all the adventures we would go on. How lovely it would be to wake up desides you every morning, drinking coffee in your messy kitchen, trying to make out what the german fridge poetry is trying to tell me, taking the bike to work at some cafe in the city. Maybe I end early someday so I can come get you in school, and we could go for a walk in town afterwards, stay for a while and get monster at ica. I can just see myself sitting on the balchony in the sun, going to see my friends, finding all the small things that get lost in a small town. I feel like it's easy to get to the conclusion that the bigger the better, but honestly I think most people don't even take their time to look for more than what's clear to see at first glance. I am looking forward to it all, I can't even put it into words yet I feel like. But yeah, that's just some of the things I've been daydreaming about while sitting on the bus, while falling asleep, lately.

Yours, Bunny.

11th May 2021

Love letter #11

Hi, I just quickly want to tell you how much I appreciate you and how important you are to me. I don't think I've ever met someone as understanding and thoughtful as you. I know I can talk about everything with you, and never once you judge me. Even when I judge myself you're there, calmingly telling me that it's alright. And the more I open up to you the more sure I am in your love, and my own. I think that before we met we both were just two souls looking for something to hold on to. Before I met you I thought I was going to die before I turned 25, and it feels so good to not want to die anymore. To be excited, to look forward. Getting an apartment together, travelling, going plant shopping (even though they'll probably die bc neither of us will remember to water them, poor babies), going to buffés as a 'screw u' to my social anxiety. You make me want to fight, to get better. Because I really want to be the best I can be for you, I want us to have a happy future. Never before have I been so eager to change and challenge myself, grow as a person. You give me motivation to do so. So thank you, really, thank you. I just want tomorrow to come <3

Yours, Bunny.

2nd May 2021

Love letter #10

I wish I was better at expressing to you in words just how much I love you. How much you mean to me. How endlessly grateful I am to have you in my life. And not only in my life, but as my boyfriend. I am the luckiest in the world...

It feelis like I used to be better, that I was better at describing my feelings of love before I met you, and I realized yesterday that I was. Because you've made me feel so much more, so vivid feelings, things I've never felt before. Of course it will be more difficult to describe my love for you, because I'm still exploring this big world of what love truly means. And I am certain, this is real love. You are the embodiment of sefety, of warmth, or the first flowers that bloom in spring, and the starlit sky, and the warm breezes that sweeps by now and then, I'm sure it's you. I miss you so much, but I know you're not far away, I'm starting to understand that now. That, yes, you are physically far away, but you are here for me, in everything. You are with me for everything. Of course the distance can be difficult at times, but it makes me never take you for granted, and it makes me long for the next time I can hug you again. I know the fear will still be there and that it can't go away with just some words. But I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, from the very deepest darkest corners that pumps my blood and beyond, that I won't leave you because of the distance. It's a scenario I don't even want to think about. I love you too much to give up. Way too much.

And as I said yesterday, I'm planning for the summer already! ♡ I can just see us two going to the westcoast, with good music blasting in the car and with the windows rolled down. We'd stay a minute at shell or okq8 and you'd buy some cold soda and i'd probably get a cup of lowkey disgusting coffee. Then I'd point it out later in the car, but we'd laugh it off, because "what did I expect?" I'd say and take another sip. I'm even thinking that maybe we should sleep in the car one night at least, just to experience it. I could see it be really cozy, even though I'd probably wake up with a sore neck the morning after. But it would all be lovely, because I'd be with you, exploring new places.
Where we'll stay forever in our memories.
I can't wait to take on the world with you, my heart is so full of love for you (you, you and only you).

Yours, Bunny.

24th April 2021

Love letter #9

I swear I didn't understand all those stupid lovesongs before i met you.

Yours, Bunny.

19th April 2021

Love letter #8

<

You're currently asleep on a call with me. I think it's so cute to just hear your breathing, and knowing that you're there. I really do love how happy I make you. I can tell how much you love me just from your body language, how your whole body shines up when I do something cute. After talking about you so much to M, it's probably about like 6 or 7 hours in total this last month, I've just realized how amazing you are from like an objective standpoint. M said she didn't think a guy could be like you are, and I truly do feel like I've won the lottery.

I've started to feel kind of scared now though about you leaving me in some kind of way. I don't think you'd ever leave me by choice, but my brain keeps making up scenarios where you disappear from me. And I can't even handle the thought of that. And I called you yesterday, and we talked about it for a while, then you decided to say fuck it and book tickets here just over the weekend. I almost started to cry out of happiness that you actually did that. You're my dreamboy, and the funny thing is that I've always known that.

I keep having these thoughts about the past, they pop up here and there. How you hugged me the absolute first day of us meeting, the look you gave me sitting on the sofa while I was on the floor; how badly you wanted me to be there, or how we'd say that we would call for just an hour and then end up talking for 3. I wish it could be friday now, but I know it's going to go fast, I'm going to blink then yiou'll be here. Then we won't have to lay on the floor over call looking up at the ceiling and imagining the other person being besides us. It doesn't hurt as much when you're close to me.

Yours, Bunny.

13th April 2021

Love letter #7

You're always the sweetest. I just feel so spoiled by you in a love way, which is so new to me. Wow?? This person LOVES me???! Like today when the topic of Valborg came up and you kept on talking about what we were going to do, kiss by the fire and take cute photos with our silhouettes by the fire :') or like how you always brag about me to your friends. Well, I do too, clearly. I still can't get over that you bought us matching thigh highs. It's like the cutest thing ever!! I love you so much. I love that you're not scared of being feminine, I love that I can do these things with you like styling you in skirts and wearing matching fuzzy pastel socks. It just so cute all of it. You're so cute. And all my friends are jealous!! As they should be >:)!

Sometimes I still feel like it's all a dream, like these last 3 months haven't actually happened and that our relationship isn't real. It's too good to be true. Life can't be this kind to me can it? That it gives me the kindest, most thoughtful, cutest, cuddliest, most understanding person I've ever met to call my boyfriend. And at the same time it feel so strange that it's only been 3 months, but I feel so sure in this. I know I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before. HOW CAN THIS BE REAL? How are you real? Pinch myself. This is real. You are real. And I'm real. You went home a week ago now and it feels like longer. I feel like my body is going to start ache again soon, very, very soon. But I know you'll be here soon again too, just not soon enough.

Yours, Bunny.

8th April 2021

Love letter #6

It feels like I more and more feel like you're my only safeplace, which isn't good I guess, but I'm also happy that I get to share this kind of bond with someone. It's like everything is getting bleaker around me except for you, because you understand me in such a different way. You make my world vibrant. I wish I could go explore the world with you, leave everyone else because they don't get it. I really think they don't understand how you make me feel. As I think I've said before, it's like comparing how much you love me to how much other people have loved me before it feels like I've never even been loved before. Does that make any sense? And I miss you already, and I curse myself two days ago for taking you for granted. I should have hugged you more, told you I love you more, kiss you more, tell you how fucking cute you are all the time. You just keep being great, how can you be so wonderful? How can you make me feel so wonderful? With you nothing else matters. I'm working on something special for you at the moment, that I'll give you in 14 days, when we've reached 3 months. And we're going to celebrate, because it's an important anniversary for you :3 and as you know, I am more than happy to celebrate!! But yeah I'm so excited for this project, I hope you'll love it <3.

6th April 2021

Love letter #5

These last days has been like living in a movie. Everything we do always seem to go so perfectly, pretty much. Sometimes I get upset over small things, sometimes my social anxiety acts up, or my eating disorder. And it would be so easy for me to give up. It would be so easy for me to just tell you that what we're doing is stupid and we should go home. But you keeping patient with me, seeing you want me to do good, seeing how happy it makes you when I decide to not give up means everything to me. Getting headpats from you as we've just ordered sushi means, everything, to me. You mean everything to me.

I'm so afraid of taking you for granted, I'd never want to do that. And I wish I could show you how much I love you all the time, that I could walk around with a flashy billboard in my hands to tell the whole world that I LOVE YOU. My tomato head cuddly weybee teddy. One thing that stuck with me a lot that happened during these 5/6 days was when we changes the sheets on the bed in the guestroom and we listened to that playlist I made you. We were laughing, sining along. Then "Happy together" cover by Gerard Way came on and we just sat and hugged, then I tackled you to the bed and we just got stuck there, looking at the ceiling, then each other. And afterwards you said "It's funny, something so mundane as making the bed becomes something so special and such a valuable memory with you."
And I feel the same way, with you, everything feels like something I'll remember forever.

You went home today, and I'm going to miss you. It's almost like my heart already aches and you haven't even come home to you yet, not even stepped off the train. But I'll be okay, because I know you'll be back. You'll always be.

I'll miss your pretty colors until then, to be honest I'm already loning to see them again.

3rd April 2021

Love letter #4

Having you here is a privilege I never want to take for granted. You make me so happy, so so so fucking happy. What did I do to deserve all these good things? All these amazing memories? You are unlike any other, magical. Now I'm just looking at you, laying there, wondering, how can a person be so beautiful from the inside out? You are so full of love, sometimes it overwhelms me. How you want me forever and ever, and you know it. You feel it. You tell me everyday, I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. And you know what? I'd love that too.

I don't think I've found the right words to picture you yet. I haven't found sentences or any words to describe my love for you. I'll search for it, I'll make sure to make sense of it all one day. But for now, I love you to much. And it warms my heart knowing that I'll fall asleep to your cuddles tonight and the warmth of your skin is going to burn through both of our t-shits, and I'll finally feel at home.
Because it's so clear now. Home isn't a place; it's where you feel safe.

31st March 2021

Love letter #3

Less than 24 hours and I'll be in your arms. I don't think I could have gone on without you for much longer. Every day just seems so, I don't know, empty? I guess I need you more than I'm willing to admit sometimes. I am looking so much forward to just being able to feel your warmth again, and run my fingers through your hair. Getting your headpats.

Yesterday night was not good, I couldn't sleep. It felt like my bed was a boat in the middle of a great big ocean. I couldn't see land, and I felt the cold, black water wash over me now and then. I catch myself thinking bad things, things I don't want to feel or have in my head. And now that I'm starting to understand myself more, the more annoyed I get. The angrier I get. But that's not what I really want to focus on now. All I want to think about is you. And tomorrow. And the sushi date we've planned, and all the fun things we're going to do these days. Saying "I love you" to your face again, waking up besides you for some mornings. Making hot chocolate and giving myself, all I have, to you. I hope I can be enough for you, because I want to give you all the best. I want you to see the best of me, I hope I can get help soon. And I know you will be there for me through it, because you love me, I know that. I know that now. I love you too, and I just want tomorrow to come now. It's like nothing else matters to me at this point.

30th March 2021

Love letter #2

Now it's only 2 days left until you're with me again. It's been way too long, way, wayy too long. I don't know what you did to me, you made me fall in love with a boy that lives so far away. And I think about you all the time, I wish I was with you all the time, I wish I could talk to you all the time. I know you're my favorite person, because talking to you is all I think about. I really don't want it to get out of hand, my limited feelings of safety are all in your hands and I know that isn't good. But you're so good to me, you make me more happy than anyone else ever could. I hope I do the same to you. Because I want to give you the world, the water with all the fishies in the lake, the warm summer breeze in the middle of June and all the little sparkles in the snow when the streetlight glow, it's all for you to keep.

Two more days, 48 hours, why does it feel so far away, still?

It's like you're the only one who makes me feel at home. You make me feel so loved, like everyone who's ever loved me before has just loved me a mili part of how much you love me. And I honestly don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love you, because I have never felt this close to anyone before. I can call you whenever and we'll just talk for hours, it never feels like I don't have anthing to talk to you about. And every conversation feels so special. I don't want to be one of those girls who are obsessed with their boyfriend....but uhm..hehe, I am that girl. But that's just because you're not just my boyfriend, but you're also my best friend, my safeplace, my whole fucking sun. You make me feel okay when I feel like I can't even leave my bed.

29th March 2021

Love letter #1

I decided to make this page to show my appreciation to the person I love the most in the entire world. This will be more casual than my diary and I will mostly only write love letters to my boyfriend while we’re apart.

I met you the first time on 8th of August 2020. It was a saturday, I remember. And we weren’t even meant to meet that day. You had come to Stockholm over the weekend and were supposed to hang out with *** that saturday, and it just so happened that me and him had gone to a party the day before, and then we slept at my place. Me and you weren’t supposed to meet each other that day, but I am so happy we did. It was like I had known you for 5 years, rather than only 5 hours. And that feeling would only grow stronger and stronger. If only I’d known...

That night was one of the most magical nights I've ever experienced in my 17, 5 years on this earth. I don’t remember how we ended up on my porch, but there we were, under the stars. And we lay there as you were reaching with your hands towards the midnight sky as you showed me the stars. You told me about how the universe is ever expanding, further and further away the stars stray, and one say they will all fall into the center of the world. Back to the core, and everything we’ve ever known will cease to exist. We decided to take a walk, in the mild summer night. It wasn’t dark, but the sun wasn’t up, so it was as dark as it gets in the middle of summer in the North. You read me one of your poems, and it was so sad, you asked me if you could hold my hand so you wouldn’t slip away into the dark. We started talking about our dads, how both of them are awful. For the first time I felt understood. You’ve always understood me better than anyone, I guess that’s why I decided to read you one of my own poems, at 4 am in the morning. My voice was shaky, I had never done it before, I had never read someone something so personal before. And when I was finished you hugged me so tightly and you told me “that was beautiful”, and it felt so genuine. I don’t know what’s with you, but you’re so safe, and when we met it was like two puzzle pieces finally matching together. I thought I knew what love was, but you’ve shown me something completely new.
When that weekend was over, and we said goodbye, I wrote in my diary “I think we could be really, really good friends. I wish he lived closer, I miss him, I hope he’s doing okay.”

We started calling on discord, first it was to read our poems to each other, but we always ended up talking for hours. Halloween came around and you came over again. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I was already starting to catch feelings. Because I sat there, on the floor, and you on the sofa, and with everyone else around us, and all I wanted in that moment was to hug you. Be there for you. You looked so sad, and I got to know later that it was because you’d started to fall in love with me, but that you thought you’d never have me. You’d finally found someone you love, and she’s out of reach.

When that day came, it was like we jumped realities. I thought I had entered another time completely. Nothing was like it used to be, and I felt so good. On the 4th of January 2021, we were sitting on my bed in my pink childhood room. And you asked me, “truth or dare”. I looked at you, confused, I could kind of tell where it was going though, and I said “truth”. You uttered the words, “do you think that, in another universe, we would be dating?”, I thought I was being obvious when I said “Mmm, what do you think?”. But your nerd ass just said “Well, mAtheMaTiCaLLY SpEAkinG…there’S a UniVerSE foR evEryTHInG.” and I laughed and told you to “stooooop, of course I think so.” And ever since that day, I knew it would be me and you.
It was like you held out your hand to me and took me on, and you brought me up from the ditch I was in. You made me see my self worth.

Not to sound dramatic, but you changed everything.
You really did.